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New Dawg Diet–sure to lose weight

July 31, 2006

I have a dog and I was buying a large bag of Purina at Wal-Mart.

sadie the dog

In the check out line behind me was an old classmate from high school. Oh, how I hate for folks to ask me about my health when I know they really don’t give a damn. I was quite annoyed when she spotted the bag of dog food and asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I probably should not because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I lost 20 pounds before I awakened in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I had been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack as he staggered out the door laughing loudly.